In most Kurdish families, and by large in Kurdistan, when a woman gets married, children are expected. Those who are unable to conceive within one year are often scolded, and those who have difficulty conceiving go to extreme lengths for treatment. These are societal expectations and generalisations, therefore exceptions to this exist.
There’s no doubt having children is a blessing, life-changing, momentous journey and thrilling. The experience or rather the struggle of being a mother is also extremely challenging. In the beginning, the struggle is exciting because you are likely to receive overwhelming support. However, when your little baby turns into a toddler, the challenges maximise.
When they’re 0-6 months old, you’re only concerned with diapers, milk and burps. After 6+ months, the entire situation changes, and before you know it, you’re living with a one-year-old.
Things have changed immensely. Bottle sizes change. Milk varies (1+ toddler milk), clothes are now regularly dirty, and by the time you’re finished with three days of laundry, there’s more. It is a regular cycle of, “I can do it” and “I have to do it”.
The point I’m trying to make is, having children is not easy. If you’re working (and studying/otherwise) there will be more difficulties.
You’ll be left with less time for yourself and partner. The concept of time vanishes into oblivion. When you’re getting a manicure, you’ll feel like you are in Nirvana, a moment of solitude gives you the felicity of Shangri-La.
…Yet somehow, a smile or laugh from your toddler makes everything fulfilling.
I’ve been meaning to contribute to what contitues as a “Kurdish mother”, but didn’t have sufficient time. I have been taking information on childcare from past experiences. Reading “parenting” books has been informative and even beneficial, but with less time on my hands, I have been left to simply cope intuitively.
There’s a certain clairvoyance to being a mother. Perhaps not all mothers have foresight or some sort of extrasensory perception, a parental one, which will enable them to naturally understand the needs of their child.
What surprises me is that everyone gives off the image that their children are the most civilised, well-mannered and “matured” toddlers with little difficulty. We need more honest conversations from Kurdish mothers on the struggles of motherhood, particularly in a changing Kurdistan where the demands/expectations are increasing.